I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
