I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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