Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize