You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
