i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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