Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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