i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
