Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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