I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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