I wish I could teleport
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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