xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
