I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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