problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
