Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
