Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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