Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
