we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
