i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just had sex on a roof
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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