Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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