just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
