Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
