she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
