I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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