If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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