we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
