I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
