wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
