tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
