Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
