Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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