Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
