had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
