party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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