come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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