I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
