According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We are two peas in an std pod
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
