you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
