this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
