oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
