I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
