Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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