Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
