party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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