waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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