Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
