Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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