By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
