I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
