wanna go halves on a baby?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
