Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
