Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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