i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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