I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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