Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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