is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
