Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
