They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
