I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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