break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I look excited, but its just a facade.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
