Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
