no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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