Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
